From Elisa

Well, this is my first time on here. I know it's seems funny, but it has been hard for me to get on and write. Keeping people updated usually comes quite easy to me. I don't know, maybe it's easier when I'm the caretaker instead of the recipient. With that being said, I'm not sure how often I will be the updater. I do want to take a few minutes to thank God, thank our family, loved ones, parish, friends, strangers, and all those who are helping. I also want to praise God for all of His goodness.

The outpouring of love has been phenomenal! We have had so many people reach out to help us. We know so many of you are giving from the bottom of your hearts, and are sacraficing to show us God's love and generosity. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! No words can ever convey the way that we feel loved right now. From the prayer cards, shawls, blankets, and well wishes that God is wrapping our family in, to the meals that sustained our family throughout radiation, to the people watching Sarah and Daniel, to the Christmas gifts that were poured out upon our family to help us create amazing memories, to the financial contributions that are pouring in to make sure that we can fight this fight, to the phone calls and texts to just check in....we are so grateful! Please know that each and every one of you means so much to us. We keep you in prayer every day, and pray that God blesses you as abudantly as your generosity is blessing us!

One of the big questions is, how is Elisa doing? I think it is hard for me to get on here and write, because this is a hard one for me to answer. There is so much that this journey encompasses that I never expected. I will do my best to give you a peek into how I am doing right now. As many of you know, I am as wordy as they come. So, if you're in a hurry you may want to read this in a few sittings. If you're not, you may want to warm up your coffee and spend a little bit of time with me. Through this time together, I hope that God continues to knit our hearts together on this journey of faith on which we are all traveling. Prehaps through the sharing of faith, struggles, hopes, fears, sufferings, and triumphs we can bring Christ's hope and love to each other as we are called.

So, I guess the best place to start is the beginning. Since we've moved to Ohio in the spring of 2014, I've been followed by OSU-Thoracic Oncology. Things have looked stable and there was no need for concern. I just needed to have a five year follow up plan from January of 2014 when I had my lobectomy. In April we were told that I had new nodules forming in my right lung. They were too small to do anything about, so we decided to proceed with more frequent CT-surveillence. There really was no change or growth at all. So, we went along with life. In the meantime I started seeing a chiropractor and physical therapist for what we thought was unrelated hip and lower back pain with some intermitant back pain and headaches. After all, I'm 40 now and my body is probably going to get some of those middle aged pains. We did imaging that didn't show anything out of the ordinary. We thought that most of the pain was stemming from weak abdominal muscles from the 6 abdominal surgies that I've had with c-sections, my prophylactic oophorectomy, my prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstruction from my own abdominal tissue, my prior lobectomy. No wonder my muscles were not strong enough to maintain my core. I started doing strengthening, but my pain continued. I actually could not hold my chiropriactic adjustments for very long on my own, and my pain began to worsen. Now enters October. I started my annual fall cough in September, and was having a really hard time just getting my breath. Nothing was yet out of the ordinary though. This seemed to happen every fall and winter over the past several years. In October I had another CT scan of my chest to see what the nodules in my lung were doing. This time they had grown quite a bit in size, and were now of concern to us. With my history though, we thought we had time to get the right tests and biopsies orderd. We weren't in too much of hurry. After all, the CT also showed that I was battling pneumonia, and we were trying to get that under control as well. It was difficult to tell what might be infection, and what might be something more concerning. With these new concerns, I decided that I wanted to mainstream all of my medical records. In November, I made an appointment to move my primary care physician to OSU, so all of my doctors could have the same access to all of my records. (Medical mom knows this is easier from experience.) Well, I let them know that I was on my second round of antibiotics and sterioids for my pneumonia, and that my cough was actually making my back pain worse. We talked a little bit about my back pain, and that it sounded like it might be bone pain rather than muscular. My new doctor sent me down for an x-ray of my lower back and I went on my way. I then drove home and stopped at Walgreens to pick up my new anti-inflamatory prescription. It was at this time, just around 30 minutes after I left the x-ray, that the doctor called. (I am experienced enough of a medical advocate to know that this was not a good sign.) She asked me to come in for more x-rays. I went right back, and by that night they shared with us that there was a lesion in my pelvis that they were pretty sure was cancer, and that I needed a follow up MRI to give us more information. Well, with different docs, Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, and just timing of everything it took some time, but we finally got all our answers lined up. It was not what we were hoping to hear at all. I have an adenocarcinoma that originated in my lung and had spread into my bones. The cancer had actually taken over most of the back of my illiac bone, and caused a fracture in my sacrum. It has also started to go down the back of my femur. No wonder the pain was actually intensifying rather than improving. It has spread to the back of my left rib cage, and the thoracic region of my spine. It is also in the lymph nodes in my upper right chest. (There is still something showing up around my mandible and nasopharynx that we are trying to figure out too. We should know about that by the end of the month.) We were devestated by this diagnosis. We had done so much to make sure that I didn't get cancer. I beat it once. I had my breasts and ovaries removed. We started eating healthier. This wasn't supposed to happen. I am the mom who takes care of everyone. I'm not supposed to be the one that needs to be taken care of. I had to cancel Sarah and Daniel's well-orchestraed medical appointments in Cincinnati. Rather than take them for their routine biopsies, tests, and appointments, I had to start making my own. We had to start making decisions on balancing which person's medical care needed to take precedence, and which could wait. These are decisions that no parent wants to have to make. Ultimately, we have an amazing Cincinnati team that has followed Sarah and Daniel so closely for so many years now, that we are confident in them helping us make these decisions. It just isn't easy to have to do. (We will be heading to Cincinnati in February to stay up do date with their care, so no worries there.)

So, in the midst of Advent and preparing for Christmas our focus changed. It was not lost on us that as we were spiritually preparing for the coming the Lord that we were going through this time of waiting, diagnosing, praying, and hoping for our own family. We were able to see the humanity of the Incarnation in a way that we have not been able to see before. It is so easy to get caught up in just looking at the Holy Family as a bunch of perfect statues. It is easy to look at Christ the Divine. It is easy to forget about the hardship and suffering that the Holy Family endured. We sanitize the nativity scence, but in reality our Lord was born in a stinky, smelly, stable. When he was 8 days old it was prophesied that he would suffer beyond measure, and so would the heart of his mother. It was finally this year, that I was able to slow down and appreciate the humanity of all that is to come with Jesus' birth. The only reason that he came to this world was to suffer. This baby came in unexpected conditions to suffer and lay down his life for me. What was I willing to do? How was I willing to suffer? What was I willing to give for my family? Well, that ended up being radiation. Every day for 13 days during December, I went to OSU- The James. I drove for 30 minutes, parked, walked in, was marked by neon markers that I had to keep on my body, stripped of my clothes, covered by a small sheet, and laid on a table. They directed radiation beams at my lower back as I spent the next few minutes of isolation trying to trust in Our Lord. Jesus, I trust in You was my mantra as the sounds of the machine whirled around me. I would then put my clothes back on, drive home, and watch my exhausted husband care for our children. He had a lovely meal to feed our famiy thanks to the generosity of others, but he still had to take care of all Daniel's medcial needs, and household responsibilities. Ryan and Kyle have helped in amazing ways that will God willing teach them empathy and compassion that they may not have learned otherwise. I would take my pain meds, stool-softeners, anti-nausea meds and lay and pray. This is when little people would come lay with me. Big teenagers would come check in with me. My husband would come by and look at me, and love me. Then, when all was done for the night, we would gather on our bed and pray as a family. This was humbling time, but oh so necessary.

I finished radiation on December 27th. I wish I could say I was back to my old self. I am getting there in some ways. My body is still tired. While my pelvis pain is improved from the radiation, my thoracic pain is worsening. We have tried one radiation treatment on it in hopes of help, but it has yet to make a change. We don't want to continue radiation right now so I can start my immuno-therapy of January 9th. You never realize how much you use a certain part of your body for every move, until that part of your body causes pain. Anthony and the boys continue to do so much around here. I actually made my first dinner last night in a long time. It felt so good to cook for my family. Due to the genrosity of you all, we have a lovely woman who comes in to help us keep our house clean with some of the bigger chores. We continue to take things one day at a time. I have been a little emotional lately. I cry at the drop of a hat. I go back and forth between being so grateful and overwhelmed by the love and mercy that is showered upon us by the grace of God through all of you, and trying to figure out how we got to the point where all of this is necessary. All in all, I guess the answer to "How is Elisa doing?" is...I am well. I am blessed. I am trying to take one moment at a time. I am hurting. I am sad. I am grateful. I am loved. I am tyring to figure out how to live these moments that God has given me. I am anxious about starting immuno-therapy, but hopeful that it will kick this cancer out of my body. I am finding little moments of joy each day. I am grateful! I am loved!

I thank you for sharing these moments with me. I know that I tend to ramble. People have just been so generous, that I want to let you all know what an impact you are making! You are making a difference for our family! We feel loved! We feel supported! We thank you! I don't promise to be on here all the time. I do promise to keep you in my prayers. I do promise to hold you in my heart. I do offer up my sufferings for you and your family, and am grateful for you doing the same! May God continue to bless you and your loved ones! <3